Friday, 15 July 2011

Nowt to do now but read The Sun

Now that NOTW is no-more it's The Sun's for the taking - or the Sun on Sunday - whatever it'll be called. Sometimes The Sun made NOTW look like the Financial Times. But at least with The Sun, I understand even the most complicated news stories in under 40 words. I love the way it’s the only paper where you can get ‘Jordan’s jugs grow of their own accord’ right next to ’12 brutally murdered  children in south lebanon’. The editor’s obviously seen a certain poetry in that. A certain defamiliarisation. ‘Shit, ive never seen 12 dead palestian kids in the light of jordan’s tits before. It lends it new meaning. Lifts a veil on a whole new world.’ They just don’t care do they. It’s like eating and smoking at the same time. 

I imagine they’re fine with that, The Sun journalists. You just don’t do it. Here's a list of other things you simply don't do:

1)  Mixing red and white wine at the table to get rose.

2)  Reading Playboy at a funeral. 

3)  Dressing up to go to MacDonalds. 

4)  Eating cornflakes while on the toilet. 

5)  Taking your first date to the cinema to watch Schindler’s List and then going to Fabric, straight after. (You know, at least break it up with a meal at Nando’s in between).   

But no, not The Sun, straight into Fabric, whistles blaring!

You simply don't do it!