Low-down London Love Ballads

LOW-DOWN LONDON LOVE BALLADS

hey guys! this should be the link to my new book LOW-DOWN LONDON LOVE BALLADS available to buy in physical or ebook from Lulu.com. If not, just type in the title into the Lulu homepage.

hopefully, it'll soon be available to buy on Amazon and Kindle too - and for any eReader such as iPad, apple, sony etc

it has all the greats - Shoreditch Boy, king Neb, the £10 one, Soho Gypsy Rose Seller, the Sensimilia song and much, much more.

get buying for toilets and xmas pressies!! :-)

jenkinson's spectacular debut goal for the gunners!

Well, bang on cue, carl "el saviour" jenkinson did the unthinkable, and scored on his debut. yes, even from right back position. Managed to lob the keeper with the outside of his left boot in some sort of roberto carlos swish-slice from left to right. The amount of skill and sheer dexterity that has to go into something like that is nothing short of extra-ordinary. It's just a shame it had to be his own keeper. The cunt.

Tune in next week when I carve Ivan Gazidis a new arsehole...

info and dwarf vadar 2

so the new twitter account is up and running at www.twitter.com/shoreditchboy1

so keep up to date with all the gigs and links and what not.

and send all love, hate and bookings emails to shoreditchboy@hotmail.co.uk  all requests for books and merch can be left there too...

and finally Dwarf Vadar Episode 2 has come out!! 5 stars and 1,800 hits and counting :-) sit back, relax and laugh...

Nowt to do now but read The Sun

Now that NOTW is no-more it's The Sun's for the taking - or the Sun on Sunday - whatever it'll be called. Sometimes The Sun made NOTW look like the Financial Times. But at least with The Sun, I understand even the most complicated news stories in under 40 words. I love the way it’s the only paper where you can get ‘Jordan’s jugs grow of their own accord’ right next to ’12 brutally murdered  children in south lebanon’. The editor’s obviously seen a certain poetry in that. A certain defamiliarisation. ‘Shit, ive never seen 12 dead palestian kids in the light of jordan’s tits before. It lends it new meaning. Lifts a veil on a whole new world.’ They just don’t care do they. It’s like eating and smoking at the same time. 

I imagine they’re fine with that, The Sun journalists. You just don’t do it. Here's a list of other things you simply don't do:

1)  Mixing red and white wine at the table to get rose.

2)  Reading Playboy at a funeral. 

3)  Dressing up to go to MacDonalds. 

4)  Eating cornflakes while on the toilet. 

5)  Taking your first date to the cinema to watch Schindler’s List and then going to Fabric, straight after. (You know, at least break it up with a meal at Nando’s in between).   

But no, not The Sun, straight into Fabric, whistles blaring!

You simply don't do it!

Carl "El Saviour" Jenkinson

Today's blog is dedicated to the saviour of Arsenal Football Club, Mr Carl Jenkinson, the multi-capped international footballer for club and country, and one shining hope for the future of The Defeatables!

In a busy summer transfer window, a whole month in, with only two weeks to go to the Emirates Cup and pre-season games, Wenger has finally fulfilled his promise of opening the kitty-bag and splashing out on the big name players we so desperately need.

Man U have already secured Ashley Young's signature, as well as the most gifted goal-keeper in years David De Gea. Chelsea seem sure to sign Lukaku and Neymar. And Man City will hold on to Tevez while also trying to bring in Snejider and Kaka.

But for the first time, Wenger has seen their hands and raised them - dare I say - gone all in, for British-Finnish ex-Charlton right back, Carl "El Saviour" Jenkinson.

Wenger had to offload Fabregas and Nasri in order to release the funds to bring the right-footed teenager across the river to the Emirates, but the fans and board alike will see this pay dividends straight away.

One fan couldn't believe it when the news finally came through, "I can't believe it", he said.

After a lot of to-ing and fro-ing from agents and both team managers, the intricate contract (compete with incentives, multiple-clauses and bonuses) was drawn up and signed.

"We make the money back on the amount of shirts he'll sell alone", said board member, Ivan Gazidis.

Carl himself was honoured to be part of The Inevitables saying, "I can't wait to have the team built around me, and play alongside such greats as Diaby, Eboue, Denilson, Bendtner, Clichy, Squillaci, Rosicky, Almunia and Arshavin - all of whom, at this point in time, are still under contract for Arsenal and yet to be sold. I just can't wait to make a pass with the ball, and then to run on a bit and receive the pass back again. It's going to be sweet."

Here's to a long list of trophies built on the solid cornerstone of our team - Carl "El Saviour" Jenkinson!

The future's great. The future's Carl.

Messi - the greatest player in the world.

Carl "El Saviour" Jenkinson - what the player looks like in relation to Messi, the greatest player in the world.

Final ep of The Shadow Line

Wow! What a close to the series! It had everything! Long-winded exposition and explanation, completely nonsensical motives and a General Commissioner saluting a baby, for crissakes!! Who could ask for more?

But what really capped it off, what really puts this in the Hall Of Fame of British Drama is that immortal line that Gabriel says on the boat - the big reveal - the tagline, hook and sounbite we'd all been waiting to hear...

"Do you mean to tell me this whole thing has been about pensions?"

Classic. Stop press. Welles, you're sacked. Mamet, you're fired. Sorkin, go home. This is what it's all about... Pensions! No, you didn't mishear. Pensions. Then he blows his face off.

The only line better than than that line would be:

"Do you mean to tell me this whole thing has been about filling out self-assessment tax returns?"

Closely followed by...

"Do you mean to tell me this whole thing has been about better trained doctors and nurses for the NHS?"

Followed by...

"Do you mean to tell me this whole thing has been about international stamp collecting?"

I believe that's what the hotly anticipated second series is gonna be about. Approx 78 people get killed fighting over a Diana memorial stamp.

Just for those of you who didn't manage to catch the last in the series, fear not, I have put together a little picture montage and soundtrack basically summing up the entire series...... enjoy!

Dwarf Vadar - Episode 1

Hey there peeps! The first episode of the hit webcom series Dwarf Vadar is out now! It's been given feature recommendations on Hecklerspray already, garnered 5 stars and has notched up a whopping 10,000 hits so far!! Have a little watch for some work-break amusement - I am the voice of Darth. The power of Darth compels you!